I brunch hard

Because, being an adult means you can drink in the middle of the day and talk about the ass you made of yourself the night before and be considered sophisticated.




Read the accompanying blog entry

Imaginary Relationships

... what exists in the negative space.

negative space: n, empty space, space surrounding an object or form.

It is what provides context and dimension for the positive image or form. I will be using it in reference to relationships, and that which is not mentioned but becomes implicit, and how that lack of communication becomes problematic.

It is all imaginary until spoken about. 

Needless to say, I have millions of examples of people taking a mile from the precisely measured inch I have given.

And I just want to know why, when people have plans for me, they do not share them. It would make my existence less confusing. The issue is, at least in my personal hetero experience, I meet men, we express a genuine interest and then I am supposed to forget that there at least 3 billion more out here. I do not do stage directions, I do directives. I seek to observe, analyze, understand and communicate, that's how relationships work. Not this, oh well  I am just going to skip these steps and act like we have an understanding that they have a certain precedent, when none of it was spoken about at all. And I am not taking one circumstance and making it general to hype myself up. Trust. 

I usually opt with the gradient of difficult to dumb and see how much I can get away with. 

Until, I just have to put my foot down. I get feigned surprise and a lot of "Nah, its not like that". Because its usually men acting like its not about sex instead of being upfront. But, saying the word-sex/fuck/smash/beat-preceded by "if you're just trying to" and succeeded by "just say that" is like shedding a light when everyone wants to act like they are not doing/seeking what they actually are doing/seeking. Its stupid and causes headache. Keep it 100, you'd be better off when trying to find a proper match. Everyone is out here sending their representatives confusing people that have no time to waste on superficial representation of reality. Fuck off. 

And that, my friends, is where imaginary relationships come from.

Really.

What ever happened to straight up answers?

I think I missed when ambiguity and interpretations are how people communicate. Is it more comforting to walk away from a situtation, after consciously seeking clarity, still not knowing what the fuck the resolution was?

I ALSO missed when, if I say no that means you are going to agree and then act like I parenthetically said yes, and vice versa. 

Most importantly, I wonder how people feign for real interactions when their whole life is a hidden agenda. 

Just some things that have been making my life difficult. If you can not relate to this then... it is of you I speak.

Decoy: My Life on the DL

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a decent post to skim through...

So, these are some of things that happen when you waste your mental energy attracting bullshit activities and bastard tactics in lieu of attracting your happiness...

A very dear friend and I attended a networking/ happy hour, as alcohol is the tried and true social lubricant, and amidst the sitting in the corner talking to each other, she was introduced, by a host, to the man that gave me what I have been looking for.

They had already begun their conversation when I joined them. I had been politely chatting it up with an old acquaintance. Either way, I enter at the part where he was stating that most of the people at the event were young, had only been out of undergrad for a couple of years. Usually, when people reach a certain age they do not ask about one's profession. He was also telling us that he had not realized it, until he had gotten older, that sisters need to bag brothers while they are still in college that is the only place where you will have a concentration of black men that are about their business. As the women that concentrated  on their careers get older, its slim pickings and they end up bitter, since they decided to put it off. 

We are like...ok

Meanwhile, he is complaining about the party, waiting to leave so that he can go elsewhere. When it is time for my friend and I to leave, he tells us to write our names down so that he may 'facebook' us later. The next morning I see I have a friend request, I accept, and a little while letter I receive a message in my inbox. The correspondence lreads as follows: 

him:  so hows married life lol?you didnt mention that last night whenI was discussing bagging a brother when young lol

me: no, i am not married, lol. in any way. it was something my friend and I did a while ago and she won't let me take it down.

him: ok send me your cell number if you like ....ciao

I sent my number, out of curiousity, since no man has ever "asked" for my number and ended with a ciao. At least not one that feigned interest in me.  Anyway, after a text test run, you know when people send you a text so you can have their number and upon your response to having received it they take that as a green light to communicate, I receive a text over the weekend asking me if I was free. Wzup. Do you have a car? And are you free today like 2:30?....

really?

Essentially,  he wanted to take me to the homo thug convention that was Joe and Chico DeBarge performing at Summerstage. He did not want to drive but he guessed he would since I did not have a vehicle. I opted out since I had to do something, like my nails. Later, he asks me if I wanted to see Anita Baker the next day. I said yes. After a delay in my train situation, he picks me up from the train station slightly annoyed. In the car he points out the place I need to watch my step when exiting because people tend to miss it and the dirt is hard to get out. You know people, when they come to your house or get in your car don't respect your shit. I took note, just in case I needed to ever get back into his car again. Circling, looking for parking, he is so annoyed we can not even have a conversation, I suppose he was concentrating on not having the bitch fit we both knew he was capable of. We finally find a parking spot and he is complaining about the circumambulation the barricades require. I am already at wow. We reach the barricades and have to walk single file... he walks in front of me and does not check for me until we make it all the way into the park. Now that I think about it, there were men doing their jail workout in the playground area of the park...so, yeah.

Either way, we found a spot to sit down, after moving three times, and he is annoyed because he can't see the stage. After a couple of minutes he gestures to these women in front of us and says  I think they're, ya know. Lesbians? I asked, he said yes. He then asked me about my experiences and I shared what was pertinent,  then I asked about him. He flipped. Outraged, he shifts his body language so that he has cut me off, and asks me if he looked like a person that experimented. I said no, because it was opposites day, for that moment. He then, after cooling down a bit, says a man is usually not going to tell you right away if he has experimented. He'd probably wait a year or so to tell you something like that. 

Again, really?

Time passes, every ten minutes or so, he stands up and looks around for a good three minutes, my guess is to cruise. He sits back down to say that it may sound conceited but the woman that ends up with him forever is lucky. I asked why. She has more to benefit from the situation than I do. Women need stability and I have that. I envy her, actually. Not to mention he said he was loyal, thats all he could reveal at the moment, I would see what he was talking about. Like I really want to participate in the anal wart fuckery of a down low man. Not to mention, I have not heard a man, that was interested in women, say and rationalize his masculinity the way he had. Saying he is not really emotional, would never back down from a fight, that as a man he does not need love, and women need that. And women need to be with one man but because he was a man he could be with 50,000 women. And the only time he touched me, at all, was to show me where to watch my step in his car. 

I had to leave early and I did. 

That's what I get for asking for stupid shit. 

Happy Rainy Friday

Katharine McPhee in Paparazzi Protection from Katharine McPhee

But seriously, I need Black people to do a lot better. I would extrapolate but I do not want to offend. If you see my issue...

Cliche Anyone?

Happy Holiday for all of us that need things to celebrate, no matter how minute. DO not get me wrong I am on of those people. If you are a chronic (pun intended) participant, like myself, I am sure you do not a need a date to get closer to Jah.

Here is that pep to get you through the work day...










Brown Sugar - DAngelo

just a few of the many...

Potential = Imagination

potential: possible, as opposed to actual.

This was the very first definition, according to www.dictionary.com

Stemming from a conversation I was having with a co worker; in the context of romantic relationships, knowing when to let go, knowing how and why one has to be secure in an unconventional relationship, and the place of the well intentioned other party, the word potential came up. To which I responded by saying that if you say that someone has potential, it means that you are creative and imaginative enough to envision their achievements and actions if they developed the way you have projected. Mentally molding the person while biding time until they reach your satisfaction.

This is not to say that potential is not real and that people that exhibit promise do not fulfill. What I am saying is that potential should be no one's saving grace. People do what they want to do, point blank, what they can do is not for you to decide.

Be or Not

In the never ending attempt to simplify, I am grappling with whether or not things can be black or white, and whether a grey area is, in fact, healthy.

Things only seem to be complicated when; there is too much going on and nothing is done, the fear of hurting feelings, or just the straight up fear of making decisions because, logically, to not choose, means you get it all.

No, not at all. Not never.

Ok, maybe for a little bit. But, not without the confusion that could have been spared if the road seemingly less comfortable was just taken in the first place. We are not characters in novels, or semi-autobiographical pieces on one dimensional heroic figures, we are human beings, we have feelings, and consciouses, and balls that can not seem to descend at times when personal preferences versus social obligations are concerned. Shit hurts, it is tiresome, it gets overwhelming, my only responsibility to this shit is to decide what my next steps are and work towards that, besides communicating with parties involved, if necessary. I am not trying to get through it, I'm is or I'm ain't. Point blank. To try means that any effort is worth value because you are supposed to be acknowledged for trying, while your failure is ignored. Decidedly harsh, but as I have grown older, I need some pillars upon which to measure the value of my existence and time amongst those living in the grey areas, trying to sort out their bullshit.

I am either doing, or I am sleeping. You have my time and respect or you do not. No more complicated relationships with acquaintances based on present company. I can or I will not. Simple. Black and white. I allow my humanity to mar the flawless nature of my beliefs, and I am good with that, so I know where I need to reconcile. As for others, I am no judge of the quality of someone else's life. I am too selfish for that. Rather, I will discern what the relationship needs to be upon interaction. I can no longer run for shelter in the complacency of my position in this world, I make my decisions, I live with them, black or white, usually right, because I am rational, but if wrong, that is the meal I will eat.

Basically, I am in a relationship with myself, and have no time for interference.

All I can Say is...

Fuck a 9-5 cuz a nigga tired of slaving...

Baby Powder is for Babies, Balla Powder is for Men

I have been forgetting to share this for a minute.





No Excuses! Don't say I never gave you anything

Check the website...Balla Powder

You're Welcome.

Some Amazing Hits: Wonders/Blunders of 2008

I am more than happy to usher the year('08) to the door. Hand in hand, like a girl that decided she did not want to give it up and I have to hold on to my manners until I see her to the door, assuring her I would call her, knowing I only have so much time before my next jump('09) comes by. And I KNOW this bitch is going to put out.

With all that being said. I would like to reminisce on the times and songs that we were forced to or, unfortunately loved, this past year.

W Hurricane Chris, anyone?
I know Ay Bay Bay came out last year, but I am saying, "Playa's Rock". Banger.
i.e. Chilling in the jacuzzi/ just water/ no bubbles? C'mon.

BThe Game featuring Ne-Yo with Camera Phone
A definite, get the fuck out of here. Two undercovers using the club and desperate women as beards. Bitch, please.

B Where did DJ Khaled come from? More importantly, from whom did he get his (commercial, I am screaming over everything talking about money I could not possibly have since I am on Terror Squad)pass? I just wanted to know.

W For those of you that know me, you already knew I predicted T-Pain was going to be IT, whether you still want to put an sh in front of it is up to you, but... I told you so. Even though that 2 Pistols, Plies wanna be, Shawty knock off was a bad look.

B I am one for ignorance, and I have respect for Bustah Rhymes, however this is a time when two plus two does not necessarily add up to a rational number. A(y)rab Money? Nah, son. The concept was of interest and varying from the concrete canon of hip hop metaphors but they do not deserve to be called out of their names. Arabs, stereotypically, coming from where I am from, provide our dutches, loosies, forties, their candy is not as expensive as it is once you leave the hood, bacon, egg and cheese on a rolls, quarter water and turkey sandwiches for trip days, etc. We should not show Ak our gratitude by pronouncing his ethnicity wrong. Its not right.

Speaking of which, E-ether Boy, bka, Ron Brownz, whose named confused the shit out of me when i first heard it, in the words of NORE, who has a track produced by Brownz, is garbation. T-Pain is not a genius but, he is a bit more intricate and if he is going to turn the ultimate fail (auto tune manufactured voice) into a trademark, why jump on the band wagon and give him the authority to talk sideways about you. He should have faded to black but, everyone wants a piece of the man no one wants to be or sleep with.

And to close off the year this nigga dropped Blame it on the Alcohol for Jaime Foxx, there will be many a paternity test because of this song. So look out in the third and fourth quarter of next year for these results.

Feelin' on her butt, what?







ps. With the struggling economy and fucked up record industry, how does Keri Hilson have a million videos out, not to mention the worst video of the past two years with "Return the Favor"

AND Shantelligence... *blank stare

The Real Beauty of the Internet...

I have found some very important Disney video clips, that I used to have of VHS, that I loved and cherished as comfort items. One of these tapes had a composite of "Lambert the Sheepish Lion" made in 1952 about a lion that was supposed to be dropped of into the jungles of South Africa, but dropped in a sheep herd. He grows up to save the herd from a wolf (who is extremely black and threatening to this herd of white sheep {I am not slipping I can see racism}). But, either way I was still inspired as a youth, about love and family, and revisiting that memory.


The next clip is from what I believe was the same VHS if my memory serves me correct. This goes through the history of music. It is also controversial in that it begins with the four main instruments and expands from there, Toot Whistle Pluck and Boom. The initial figures are dark and archaic and the more advanced the instrument the whiter the player. I have acknowledged this now, but it was my favourite and seeing it makes me happy, overall. I find it interesting how to see that although very dated images are used the cartoon does in fact acknowledge, to an extent, the origin of musical instruments on a global level. Besides the actual music is amazing.

These are the moments that make the internet worth it.

Please enjoy (I also needed to have a place that I could refer to immediately in case I had nostalgia. That, is the privilege of access).

I Keep My Love Locked Down...

http://www.zshare.net/audio/1854892003616bb0/

I love this song...
It is an ode to the sordid person one becomes once they are transformed by their love's black magic. The concentration of emotion and energy in a mind with too much pressure on itself. It forces one to act in a way that is the extreme opposite of the purity of their love. Dedicated, trying to save both parties and live through and with this love, I found this song inside of my heart.

Thank you, Kanye

When Geniuses Unite

Click here to bear witness to Cam'ron's new song... Bottom of the Pussy Hole.
The woman whose voice is sampled on the track is that of Alexyss K. Tylor. Without going into a huge diatribe I suggest you watch the video from which the soundbyte was taken for references purposes.



Camron's 'Bottom of the Pussy Hole'

http://www.zshare.net/audio/185357538a7c524d/