Be or Not

In the never ending attempt to simplify, I am grappling with whether or not things can be black or white, and whether a grey area is, in fact, healthy.

Things only seem to be complicated when; there is too much going on and nothing is done, the fear of hurting feelings, or just the straight up fear of making decisions because, logically, to not choose, means you get it all.

No, not at all. Not never.

Ok, maybe for a little bit. But, not without the confusion that could have been spared if the road seemingly less comfortable was just taken in the first place. We are not characters in novels, or semi-autobiographical pieces on one dimensional heroic figures, we are human beings, we have feelings, and consciouses, and balls that can not seem to descend at times when personal preferences versus social obligations are concerned. Shit hurts, it is tiresome, it gets overwhelming, my only responsibility to this shit is to decide what my next steps are and work towards that, besides communicating with parties involved, if necessary. I am not trying to get through it, I'm is or I'm ain't. Point blank. To try means that any effort is worth value because you are supposed to be acknowledged for trying, while your failure is ignored. Decidedly harsh, but as I have grown older, I need some pillars upon which to measure the value of my existence and time amongst those living in the grey areas, trying to sort out their bullshit.

I am either doing, or I am sleeping. You have my time and respect or you do not. No more complicated relationships with acquaintances based on present company. I can or I will not. Simple. Black and white. I allow my humanity to mar the flawless nature of my beliefs, and I am good with that, so I know where I need to reconcile. As for others, I am no judge of the quality of someone else's life. I am too selfish for that. Rather, I will discern what the relationship needs to be upon interaction. I can no longer run for shelter in the complacency of my position in this world, I make my decisions, I live with them, black or white, usually right, because I am rational, but if wrong, that is the meal I will eat.

Basically, I am in a relationship with myself, and have no time for interference.