Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I ain't worried 'bout y'all cuz I'm already me!

"If you want my advice...you've made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don't you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?"

Not to be preachy, because I do not specialize in telling other people what to do, I tell them where to go, but I think this is an important tidbit to share. 

No man is an island, and all that (I picked that up from my horticulturalist), but there are certain things that do not need consultation. In this individualist/ capitalist culture it is very off-putting that others peoples feelings should be considered in order for one to feel validated in their place in this life. It is a threat to actually not give a fuck about other people's feelings, in regards to your natural progression. Especially when you were blessed with conviction and knowledge. I am saying all of this in the scope of rationale and logic, of course. 

Being the space cadet/ overthinking enthusiast I am, I constantly zoom out to the vast mystery of the Universe and realize that in the grander scheme of things, my drive and happiness is the onliest thing thats going to make the uncertainty of my miniscule existence worth it. It gets hectic down here, and it is easy to lose sight, steam and esteem. People are great sounding boards but even still, to question your decisions reveals you have no direction and are selfless. How can you not know your self?

I have been thinking....

Apparently for a really long time. 

With the hype that has been surrounding the long awaited sequel to Raekwon the Chef's, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... I have been confused as to what Hip Hop purists have been complaining about. 

Last night I was conversing with my brother, biblicallynice.blogspot.com, about what it is that is making everyone say that this was/is a 'good look' for hip hop. Do not misunderstand what I am saying, the album is a solid effort and without sounding retro, it brought me back to a place I forgot. The hard, gritty sounds of people that are hungry and dedicated, who lead real lives before/ throughout their entry to the 'game' and have things to discuss. Delicately balancing the ill's of their behaviours, environs, and circumstances with the fact that they still must do what they have to do to survive. That being... selling crack. I mean the nigga's name is the Chef. Is it this ephemeral past we are holding on to, that has us thinking that, as long as the artist is not lying about the amount of money they have and their level in the drug dealing hierarchy, or the fact that they were actually middle-class but, in order to sell they must fabricate the realities of the impoverished that rhyming about selling crack and the projects is a step in the right direction for us?

Pyrex visions, birds flying south, bricks, kilos, cubans, columbians, crackheads... It's all the same. 

Yea, I still own that shit, though; don't get it twisted. 

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Decoy: My Life on the DL

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a decent post to skim through...

So, these are some of things that happen when you waste your mental energy attracting bullshit activities and bastard tactics in lieu of attracting your happiness...

A very dear friend and I attended a networking/ happy hour, as alcohol is the tried and true social lubricant, and amidst the sitting in the corner talking to each other, she was introduced, by a host, to the man that gave me what I have been looking for.

They had already begun their conversation when I joined them. I had been politely chatting it up with an old acquaintance. Either way, I enter at the part where he was stating that most of the people at the event were young, had only been out of undergrad for a couple of years. Usually, when people reach a certain age they do not ask about one's profession. He was also telling us that he had not realized it, until he had gotten older, that
sisters need to bag brothers while they are still in college that is the only place where you will have a concentration of black men that are about their business. As the women that concentrated  on their careers get older, its slim pickings and they end up bitter, since they decided to put it off. 

We are like...ok

Meanwhile, he is complaining about the party, waiting to leave so that he can go elsewhere. When it is time for my friend and I to leave, he tells us to write our names down so that he may 'facebook' us later. The next morning I see I have a friend request, I accept, and a little while letter I receive a message in my inbox. The correspondence lreads as follows: 

him:  so hows married life lol?you didnt mention that last night whenI was discussing bagging a brother when young lol
me: no, i am not married, lol. in any way. it was something my friend and I did a while ago and she won't let me take it down.
him: ok send me your cell number if you like ....ciao

I sent my number, out of curiousity, since no man has ever "asked" for my number and ended with a ciao. At least not one that feigned interest in me.  Anyway, after a text test run, you know when people send you a text so you can have their number and upon your response to having received it they take that as a green light to communicate, I receive a text over the weekend asking me if I was free. Wzup. Do you have a car? And are you free today like 2:30?....

really?

Essentially,  he wanted to take me to the homo thug convention that was Joe and Chico DeBarge performing at Summerstage. He did not want to drive but he guessed he would since I did not have a vehicle. I opted out since I had to do something, like my nails. Later, he asks me if I wanted to see Anita Baker the next day. I said yes. After a delay in my train situation, he picks me up from the train station slightly annoyed. In the car he points out the place I need to watch my step when exiting because people tend to miss it and the dirt is hard to get out. You know people, when they come to your house or get in your car don't respect your shit. I took note, just in case I needed to ever get back into his car again. Circling, looking for parking, he is so annoyed we can not even have a conversation, I suppose he was concentrating on not having the bitch fit we both knew he was capable of. We finally find a parking spot and he is complaining about the circumambulation the barricades require. I am already at wow. We reach the barricades and have to walk single file... he walks in front of me and does not check for me until we make it all the way into the park. Now that I think about it, there were men doing their jail workout in the playground area of the park...so, yeah.

Either way, we found a spot to sit down, after moving three times, and he is annoyed because he can't see the stage. After a couple of minutes he gestures to these women in front of us and says  I think they're, ya know. Lesbians? I asked, he said yes. He then asked me about my experiences and I shared what was pertinent,  then I asked about him. He flipped. Outraged, he shifts his body language so that he has cut me off, and asks me if he looked like a person that experimented. I said no, because it was opposites day, for that moment. He then, after cooling down a bit, says a man is usually not going to tell you right away if he has experimented. He'd probably wait a year or so to tell you something like that. 

Again, really?

Time passes, every ten minutes or so, he stands up and looks around for a good three minutes, my guess is to cruise. He sits back down to say that it may sound conceited but the woman that ends up with him forever is lucky. I asked why. She has more to benefit from the situation than I do. Women need stability and I have that. I envy her, actually. Not to mention he said he was loyal, thats all he could reveal at the moment, I would see what he was talking about. Like I really want to participate in the anal wart fuckery of a down low man. Not to mention, I have not heard a man, that was interested in women, say and rationalize his masculinity the way he had. Saying he is not really emotional, would never back down from a fight, that as a man he does not need love, and women need that. And women need to be with one man but because he was a man he could be with 50,000 women. And the only time he touched me, at all, was to show me where to watch my step in his car. 

I had to leave early and I did. 

That's what I get for asking for stupid shit. 

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

SMACK IT! FLIP IT! BUT PLEASE RUB IT DOWN!!

EVER WITNESS SOMETHING SO CRUEL AND HEARTBREAKING IT JUST DESTROYS YOUR SPIRIT INSTANTANEOUSLY? A TRAGEDY, A FATAL BLOW TO THE HUMAN PSYCHE? A "WHATTHEFUCK" MOMENT?

NO? WELL YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE ONE NOW!!

SO I'M RIDING THE A TRAIN THIS MORNING AROUND 4AM, (COUGHS)...EXCUSE ME I MEAN THE LOCAL A TRAIN.... AND THIS TALL BEAUTIFUL WOMAN GETS ON AT 14TH STREET/8TH AVENUE. SHE WAS WEARING A SHORT PURPLE DRESS REVEALING LONG MODEL-ESQUE LEGS, ACCESSORIES ON POINT,HAIR ON POINT, FACE ON POINT, BODY ON POINT, SHE WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE ON POINT TYPE OF BISHES!

UNTIL.....

I LOOKED DOWN AND SHE HAD ON A POWERFUL PAIR OF FLIP FLOPS WITH THE MOST ASHIEST, CRUSTIEST, TORE UP FEET I HAVE SEEN...PROLLY MY WHOLE LIFE. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE PAUSE MOMENTS WHERE YOU CAN'T MOVE AND YOU JUST LOSE ALL TRAIN OF THOUGHT BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU WERE DISCUSSING OR THINKING PRIOR TO THAT JUST EVAPORATED INTO THIN AIR AND YOU CANT GET IT BACK WITHOUT SHOCK THERAPY OR HYPNOSIS.

I WAS STUNNED, EMBARRASED, APPALLED, AND NAUSEAUS. I WANTED TO RUN OUT OF JURASSIC PARK, FAR AWAY FROM SKIDROW, BEYOND THIS NIGHTMARE OF A SIGHT.

ARE YOU CRAZY? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND? I WANTED TO ASK HER THESE THINGS BUT MY MOUTH WOULDN'T OPEN, MY FACE WOULDN'T MOVE FROM LIFE'S AUTO-BOTOX INJECTION OF THE STANK FACE.

I WONT EXTEND THE VISUAL ANY LONGER BUT MY CLOSING ARGUMENT IS SIMPLY; PLEASE GOVERN YOUR FEET ACCORDINGLY AND WITH THE UPMOST RESPECT. BATHE THEM (FOR SOME, THIS MAY REQUIRE BOILING THEM IN HOLY WATER AND LYSOL), LOVE THEM (PEDICURES, ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER TIME), AND RUB THEM BAD BOYS DOWN WITH SOME LOTION (GET DEEP BETWEEN THE CRACKS AND THAT BACK HEEL). ITS DISRESPECTFUL TO YOURSELF AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC WHEN YOU DECEIVE US AND MAKE US BELIEVE YOU ARE ONE OF THE CROWS FROM THE WIZ.

PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF....AND EACH OTHER

ONE LOVE

LOLOLOLOLOL..........

BITCH LOOK AT ME NOW!!!

GOT AN OLD EX THAT USED TO TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT? NEVER WANTED TO TAKE YOU OUT? ALWAYS TRIED TO PUT YOU DOWN? PEOPLE IN YOUR PAST ALWAYS TRYNA DESTROY YOUR POSITIVE OUTLOOK ON LIFE? DREAM KILLERS SURROUNDING YOU? THIS IS WHAT YOU TELL EM!!

THE SUMMER HATER ANTHEM FOR 2009!!





Go download your copy of the smash hit single “Bitch Look At Me Now” from Chrishan featuring Meech. Now available @ iTunes, Amazon, Napster, Emusic, Rhapsody, MTV.com, and many more.

Now playing on MTV. Call and request on your local radio station!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

DEGRASSI HIGH GOES HOOD.....



FAMILIAR FACE BUT WITH A NEW GIG, HIP HOP NEWCOMER DRAKE A.K.A. AUBREY GRAHAM, MAKES A BUZZ WITH HIS HIT SINGLE " BEST I'VE EVER HAD". STAY TUNED AND TAKE NOTE...I THINK DRAKE MIGHT BE STICKING AROUND...RAPPERS MIGHT WANNA STEP THEIR GAME WAY UP!!

BELOW IS ONE OF MY FAV JOINTS " BRAND NEW" - DRAKE



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