Heaven Only Knows...

Conversations Sane People Have in an Insane World, Volume1

Love, Life, and Decisions:



Is it best to know that you can not be with someone, (in a relationship, intimate, etc.) from the onset, or to know you can never be with someone again? The sentence may sound like it echoes itself, but in fact there are two distinct points. I chose John Legend's Heaven as the first song because it best describes how one feels after a single argument, years of pining, or, years of separation. The song is the freshness of a slow painful wound refusing to heal as time promised.

To know that someone is not right, or to know there are so many obstacles to overcome before love can manifest in the way it should, it becomes difficult to make rational decisions. Reason is overcome by emotional curiosity,or drama. Some times, at times, no means yes, rather we would like it to be Opposites Day when we feel like it. The unattainable is a challenge as opposed to a wise limitation. Heeding advice does not satiate the hunger that eventually kills cats, rather there will always be a shadow lurking, proposing, and projecting an alternate reality. Is it healthy to live with that for the rest of one's life? The one that got away before anything could have possibly occurred. My opinion is yes, no matter how many alternate realities, it is a fantasy from which we can escape the misery we create. I say create because although one can not control every situation around them, it is your disposition and goals that allow you to make the best of a shitty situation.

On the other hand, the real torture is that which slowly manifests itself as you mature. Maturation is not as directly related to age as we may project it to be, it has to do with our acceptance of life as the ultimate reality. In this sense, one must accept that the circumstances that occur are a pattern from which we must learn, honestly, as opposed to scapegoating and being ignorant to the ways in which we mitigate our life's occurrences. It is heart-breaking to realize that there is a person, and/or persons, with whom we have reached an end, no matter how much we yearn for the past to be the future. From this point, accepting the grief and the heavy gaping holes in our hearts for the rest of our lives, we begin to mature. To accept that in this life, the one person capable of being wholly loved by your haphazard heart is the person from whom you are the furthest with no possible way to sync your lives back up.

Only time can tell, but the familiarity is that of an old memory in a specific place. You are transformed to a pluperfect past bringing on tactile, aural, and/or olfactory memories, so real they could occur in the present, but they are not. The experience of having a tangible past ages one's emotions. The what if's versus the what happened. I struggle with getting over but not getting pass. Conflicted over the fact that the people I remember do not exist in that same capacity because of the given variable of time.

In any case the answer is to keep moving in a positive direction and take the effort to learn. Life is hard but love is harder. Both are more than worth it when executed with care and responsibility.